Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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