If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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