Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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