I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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