Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
