brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
