I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
