My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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