I accidentally burped into my bong.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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