Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
