I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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