do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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