Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
