you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
