party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
