she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
