im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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