Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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