I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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