What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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