closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
