Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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