wat bout pragnant strippers??
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
