College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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