so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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