I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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