I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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