I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
