i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
