She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
