if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
