if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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