the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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