I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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