How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
