haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
