Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
