Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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