I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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