I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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