I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
