Your mouth is God's brothel.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
