OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Found the puke drawer
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
