he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
