:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
