Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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