FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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