and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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