bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
