He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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